Choosing a life Partner
We have heard and read a lot about marriage, but the main issue to note is this: errors in marriage start far ahead before the moment you begin to desire an interest in someone who is not God’s choice. The moment you allow your emotions to overcome your reality, the moment you see red flags, but defer to the opinions of men rather than God’s, this step will take you outside of God’s will and as you know speed is not an advantage to a man or woman on the wrong track.
Let’s discuss the key things to note before you marry that brother or sister. You need to understand that knowing God’s will has only put you on the right track, it is not sufficient to deliver a godly home for you. You need to take a step further in understanding how to maintain a Godly home.
There are two aspects of this topic for consideration, one is looking at the key indicators to check before you take that sister or brother to the altar. Secondly, understanding how to maintain your family to enjoy God’s bliss. I will start with the following Scriptures
Psalm 37: 5 5 Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass; Isaiah 30:21 And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.
Based on the scriptures above let’s get to the following premise:
- Nobody enters a wrong marriage by chance. It is a decision made either CONSCIOUSLY OR UNCONSCIOUSLY. Some people saw all the red flags, but based on a personal preference for beauty, career, profession, etc, they still consciously entered an ungodly alliance in marriage. Some unconsciously entered into ungodly relationships as they didn’t do their due diligence with God and man, therefore, they entered one of the most important decisions of their life unguided and unprepared. Let no one says they never knew the kind of wife or Husband they married, that would be unacceptable.
- Several people allow the voice of God and the voice of reasoning to be killed in their hearts when it comes to marriage. Sometimes, people around you may advise you about your prospective spouse that he/she does not fit you (not necessarily in terms of beauty/status). The truth is that people over time already have an idea of your personality and understand who you can live with. But because we just want to belong, we kill the voice that is speaking the truth.
- Several People do not want to even pray about marriage and when they even pray, they have already made up their mind on who and what they want to do. It is not a crime to choose a spouse for yourself, just don’t tell us you prayed. Many are not sincere in prayer, God is only called to sign a document He was never involved, and men just want to rope the hand of God into their decision.
- We allow love to make us jettison the scriptures and justify the bad characters we see in the so-called fiance or fiancee. You see a man lying and you still go ahead to say he will change. The day he brings another lady home, he will tell you the same lie. You see a lady who can use her mouth to turn the world upside down and garnished with anger, you still see no problem, oh she is just venting, you say. The moment you allow so-called love to overshadow the principles of God’s words, you have killed the path.
- We justify indiscipline and laziness. It is not a crime that a man does not have much, but he must NEVER be lazy or undisciplined. A man telling you he’s ready for marriage, but you are the only one working and he has no plan but to depend on your income, just know you are in for a problem. The same applies to a lazy prospective wife.
- I see a set of young people that are not ready to wait but ready to marry any brother or sister just to show their peers that he or she has an engagement ring. Having a ring in your hand is not marriage, some of the most promiscuous men and women have rings.
- Many times, some people take lightly the spiritual zeal and fire of the fiance or fiancee, giving more allowance to societal values such as career, beauty, or class. While these are great, once a person is not spiritual, there is a great cloud of uncertainty over them, they are not under God’s control but the flesh and sin. Many see a sister or brother that has a car, a good job, and can just speak in tongues, you are already saying oh my crush. I pray he or she won’t crush you. By my rough estimate, less than 30% of men or women in Church are spiritual, I mean people that will set out to do a certain thing or project, and in a few minutes when the Holy Ghost says NO, they implicitly obey.
- When you marry a man who is not under the government of Christ, he will be your head but he does not have a head over him, and having a headless man over you is the beginning of problems, sometimes even divorce or separation. When you marry a man that is ruled by Christ, the man is expected to be as Christ is to the Church, but a man not under the guidance of the Holy Spirit cannot exhibit the love of Christ expected in a godly marriage.
- It is dangerous to marry a prospective spouse that has no one that can control them. When his/her parents or other notable personalities cannot speak and they listen, just know that when issues that are beyond you happen and you need external input, you are in for it, he/she won’t listen to anyone.
- The Lord will not take you beyond your level. You want to marry a lady that is already telling you that you can only use a reception Hall that is 500K, Call a Gospel Singer 400K, your clothe package is 500K and your monthly income is 100k. You know you are already in for a difficult financial journey in your marriage.
SO WHAT SHOULD BE YOUR APPROACH TOWARDS GETTING THE RIGHT MAN OR WOMAN?
- MARRIAGE IS NOT DIFFERENT FROM THE PURSUIT OF GOD: One mistake we make is to think that when we are to marry we now begin a different life of fellowship with God, No, you need to continue to live a life of devotion and be at rest, it is in this rest that it becomes easy for God to speak to you, to align your heart towards the things to do and to receive light for your life and your partner. There are things in your life that must change before marriage and there are things that God must remove in your life before you are fit. Don’t think it is just your partner that needs to be fit, you also need to. Some people do not get someone to marry because they have not yet passed the test of personal fitness. Act 17:28 For in him we live and move and have our being. As some of your own poets have said, We are his offspring.
- YOU MUST HAVE GROWN IN THE SPIRIT. MARRIAGE IS MEANT FOR ONLY MEN/WOMEN, NT BOYS/GIRLS: The first time that many supposedly heard from God was about marriage, how can you be sure you heard correctly? This is the greatest issue I see. In my estimate, more than 50% of many that prayed and said they heard God, never heard God because they don’t have a track record of hearing God. Just like Samuel, they are still under tutelage. Before you pray and say this is what God is saying, you must have grown spiritually with evidence of hearing God and fellowshipping with Him that cannot be contested. Many times several people didn’t hear from God, they only heard their minds. Unfortunately, we have denominations that made it mandatory to hear from God before marriage, even when they have never heard God before, they must hear during the choice of a marriage partner. Your first duty before you talk about marriage is to grow your spiritual stamina and strength in God.
- PRAY: You can see that prayer is listed as the third thing. We have seen that one of the reasons why you need to pray is that there are hidden issues from what you can physically see and therefore prayer is your first step when you want to start but don’t forget to have grown in fellowship. When you want to pray, be sincere with God, don’t take five Sisters to the Lord in prayer and ask Him to pick one, He is not an herbalist. Just ask Him to guide and lead you in the process and if you are a man of the altar you may not even pray when God will tell you who the person is. If you miss it in prayer, it would be difficult to reconcile the situation.
- BE BUSY WHILE PRAYING: When you are praying for marriage, you must be busy. Get your hands to learn things that can bring income, don’t bring another man’s daughter home to come and drink “garri”. Yes, we know some situations of needs may occur, but you must be found diligent. Even if you are a full-time minister, your diligence should be seen in prayer and the word, you must be so approved of God and confident that your provisions are from the Lord. Also, sisters should get their hands to do something, don’t wait on a man all through your life, get to do something. Finance is a key issue in marriage and you must be prepared for it. Let me use this time to tell you, don’t spend all your money on good clothes so that brothers can see you, but spend much on training yourself. I don’t mean you dress shabbily but don’t become “Miss Nigeria” in Church, you may even attract the wrong men. Spend your funds to learn several things online and improve yourself in any profession. When you are well trained, you are not under any obligation to run after any man or woman to marry you.
- BUILD YOUR CHARACTER: People of quality character are assets to their spouses. Men and women with good characters are easily likable. Don’t go ahead with a man or woman who is without a good character. She can talk anyhow, abuse anyone, even slap anyone, doesn’t have personal values, is arrogant and does not respect others, someone full of hatred and bitterness. All these are signs that such a prospective spouse is not ruled by God, you better run!
- YOU CAN HAVE A PREFERENCE BUT DON’T BE RIGID, YIELD TO GOD: Yes I understand that the will of God for you may not be your spec, this is where your growth and profound devotion to God will allow you to yield. I have noticed that many times, young men and women only know what they want in marriage but don’t know what they need until they enter. You will realize after marriage that the person you thought was the best for you before marriage wasn’t the best. It is best to always yield to God in the process so that God can change your want to your need.